Going Un-Crazy Part i

Here in Boston, the rain is coming down hard. I'm wondering more and more what the weather will be like in France... in Paris... in Champagne.. in Bourgogne... in the Rhone... in the Riviera/Provence. Iza has been so wonderful, telling me all about her experiences in la belle France. What to expect. What to un-expect. What to be ready for. Everything I am ill-equipped for. The f-ing euro and all of its profound implications of my lack of money (side note - thank you Auntie, Nana, and Dad!).

Just a few days away and I feel homeless already. I feel extreme self-doubt, anxiety, unpreparedness, craziness, and of course, self-deprecation. If Caitlin were here right now, standing by my side, she would say, "What do you think you're awesome or something?" and I would say, "Yeah, but no.." and instantly do my hunchback thing that I do when I'm un-proud. I feel so proud of myself for mustering the courage to walk away from everything. I feel so un-proud of myself for walking away from everything. This is the dichotomy of my life. Feeling the same feeling in two different ways. All the time. But in France, it will be strictly linear. A trajectory of fulfillment and understanding and loving and caring and learning that will surpass all other experiential learning experiences that I have ever had. And I will laugh and I will cry. And I will eat and I will drink. And I will read and I will write. And I'll be all Helen Keller and "waa waa" with it. I will become enlightened. And you can't stop me.

I'll write emails and postcards and secret un-love letters. It will be wonderful. And then I'll Green Chartreuse expedite things and I'll be back before I know it.

CorkDork

? Going Crazy Part III

Here I stand (or sit, as the case may be) waiting, willing, anticipating, heart palpitating, yet ready in every way possible. La belle France. The motherland. She's waiting for me.

Anticipation - Going Crazy Part Deux

Believe it or not, I feel overwhelmed.  I can't believe that I'm leaving in just over a week.  Surprisingly, I have completed quite a bit on my To-Do list almost without notice.  The most pressing item now is booking my sleeping arrangements.  I have been saving this for last as I am hoping that new exciting contacts will offer me work/experience with them.  Unfortunately, I do not think that this trip will turn out to be the thrilling hands-on endeavor that I was hoping for.  All is well, though.  There is no doubt in my mind that I will learn more than I ever anticipated. Today I must complete a few more items including a preliminary pack and unpack.  I also must revise my itinerary as I may have been a little over ambitious.  Who do I think I am?  Jillian Rocco or something?  Jeez.  Okay, people to do, things to see... Or the other way around.  

Bisous!! 

Preparations - Going Crazy Part 1

Dear friends,

Today I purchased my swanky pack and sleeping bag.  I must say, being small totally payed off as I fit into a kids size sleeping bag!!!  One hundred extra dollars in my pocket!  Now all I need is about a zillion more dollars, an extra liver, a new brain that is fluent in French (do they sell those on ebay??), a travel companion, a puppy, a kitty, and a goat (for making cheese of course!).  Seriously, though, I need a lot more stuff. 

I need:

International Drivers License

Flu Shots

Wool Sweater

Credit Card (AmEx gave me a straight up NO)

ES Credit Card Number

Copies of my passport, insurance card, drivers license, etc.

Travelers Checks

iPhone

One Trillion Thank You Cards

Language Skills

More Contacts

Sleeping Arrangements

Why don't To-Do lists automatically do themselves?  Jeez.  Okay, I have the next three days "off," which is a total lie because I have to work at my internship tomorrow and then meet with Garrett to discuss my travel plans.  I should get some more stuff done.  To-Do today: itinerary, packing list, lunch by myself so I can read the awesome new book Jenny bought me, laundry, debaucheries, and listening to French audio CD's (and the CD Matt made me!).

Enough rambling.

Bisous,

Jillian 

Less Than a Month

Less than one month before I depart and my To-Do list is getting longer and longer.  I am feeling increasingly anxious.  I have only been studying French a few hours a week and feel that I will not be able to understand anyone when I arrive.  The anxiety is mounting.  I'm glad that I decided to start this trip in Paris so that I can slowly ease myself into full French immersion.  I feel like this is similar to preparing for your first year of college.  The same kinds of questions keep popping into my head:

Will I pack the right things?  

Will I wear the right things?

Will I get homesick? (Yes, dummy.)

Will they understand me?

Will I understand them?

Will I learn a lot?  Teach a little?

How can I figure out my career?

Do I have enough money?

Will I get drunk and make a fool out of myself? (Yes, dummy... only this time of a little Chateauneuf-du-Pape instead Cossack vodka.)

Will I make friends?

Will I grow into a more mature person?

Will I sleep okay?

And, many, many more.  The thing is, when I embarked on the journey that is college these fears almost instantly subsided and I came into my own.  Now, however, every few days will bring me to a new location with the same set of fears.  I presume this will be exhausting.  To assuage this fear and exhaustion, I will have to push myself to be consumed by the thrill of the hunt.  I am searching for extraordinary beauty within the realm of food and drink, emphasis on the latter.  I am examining how the production of food and drink shapes the culture of France as a whole as well as the individual cultures of villages and families.  How do people interact when discussing these things?  How do they interact when they are imbibing?  I am very interested to find the answers to these questions.  I hope that they belay a new set of questions and angles to approach this research.  

Alright, very little time to continue.  Have a lovely day.

CorkDork

My First Blog

Why not Portland?

Portland, Oregon, is something akin to a trap for twenty-somethings looking for change, adventure, and, above all, fulfillment.  Well, guess what?  Change is inevitable when you move to a new city.  Adventure abounds as long as you can come up with the cash to fund your excursions.  And fulfillment is in the eye of the beholder.  Portland is a fun enough city.  The people are cool and inviting; the space is interesting and well managed.  There are plenty of things to get interested in.  The problem lies in the fact that there is no way to find a job.  Apply for unpaid internships, don't get a call back.  Not even a "Thank you for your application" email.  Apply for coffee shop jobs that will earn you enough capital to pay your SUPER cheap rent, but you're in line behind throngs of Masters students.  Apply to PSU?  Good luck getting into a grad program there seeing as that's what everyone is try to do.  

So what do you do on a plane ride back from an experience that just crushed your dreams?  Well, most people pop a Xanax on their red-eye, sleep soundly for six hours and go back to their seemingly pointless lives.  Or try to read the night away until they realize that they have occupied the only seat on the plane with a faulty overhead light.  One cannot sleep soundly when a three year-old is screaming at the top of her extraordinarily high capacity lungs for a solid four hours.  (Side note - Dear incompetent mother, learn how to control your kids.  Do not expect other women on the plane to attempt to calm your psychotic child.  You are not fit to be a mother. End side note.)  So during the hours of endless boredom and near suicidal thoughts from my pounding migraine, I figured out a way to redistribute my savings account and reroute my career plans.  

I'm going to France for a month.  Well, thirty three days to be exact.  My raison de etre, I believe, is to eat and drink and be merry.  Now I must figure out how turn that into a viable profession.  So, France it is.  I will be writing about my travels from different angles including a little social anthropology for my own benefit, which might bore the pants off of you.  I'll clearly mark those posts so you can just skip 'em altogether.  

Please, dear reader, don't be jealous.  I will give you so many juicy details that you will believe that you are right there with me, shifting your heavy pack around on your sweaty shoulders, nursing a red wine hang over with buttery croissants and thick espresso.  It will be thrilling.

Expect more endless rambling soon.

CorkDork

I am excited, anxious, anticipatory, and freaking thrilled!  Starting tomorrow, I will begin to write about my preparations for my trip leading up to my return.